Cravings and Tears

A few times last week, I was almost sure I felt the baby a few times. But last night, I knew I was feeling it! I lay in bed, hardly breathing, just waiting for that next little kick. I’ve loved this baby when it was only a thought and dream – but last night it was like I was connecting with it for the first time. I might as well have been holding it in my arms – it felt like a conversation or a perfect snuggle. And as usual – I cried. I cried for the joy of moving baby, I cried for the blessing of getting another child, then I cried for the Mama’s out there who may never get the chance to be a Mama in this way, then I cried for the babies whose Mama’s resent those kicks and wish them away, I cried for the Mama’s who don’t have their partner there desperately wanting to feel those kicks, too. Yea…I cried a lot. Then I turned on the TV and a show was on about children who lost a parent in the 911 tragedy. You guessed it, I cried some more (actually, I sobbed). Finally, I decided it was too depressing and all the crying was giving me a headache – so I turned off the TV and started eating, and eating, and eating. I ate a whole cucumber, a half a jar of pickled okra, and a mixing bowl full of salad. This was all after eating dinner a few hours before. I was so exhausted and could hardly keep my eyes open – but I was staying awake for the sole purpose of eating. I was a maniac. There was some particular taste I was looking for but I couldn’t put my finger on it and NOTHING would satisfy it! Yep, I think I have problem.  Finally, still unsatisfied – I gave up and got in bed. I was just about to close my eyes and there it was again – that tiny, perfect kicking and moving. And guess what – that was all it took…with both hands on my belly, I drifted off to sleep completely satisfied and with a smile in my heart.