14 weeks down...

I’m going to try to be better about documenting this pregnancy. I did miss the 12 week pictures I was planning on taking of my baby bump, so the ones below are actually my 14 week baby bump. Still pretty good since I think the only picture I took of my baby bump with Cecilia was moments before I left to deliver her!

So far things have been good. The first trimester was definitely harder than what I experienced with Cecilia. I felt pretty awful most of the time and if I wasn’t throwing up, I was gagging over every little thing. Sometimes nothing would even trigger it, just be talking and all of a sudden there I would go. Cecilia found it pretty hilarious, and while I would be bent over the toilet I would hear her in the other room echoing my sounds. Nice. Throw up noises are now a part of her regular vocabulary. Because of the constant nausea, nothing really sounded good to me – so I had to force myself to eat anything at all. This was completely opposite of what Cecilia did to me – I couldn’t get enough to eat with her for the entire nine months. Happily, I have moved on to a new stage of my pregnancy and am feeling so much better. In fact, now I hardly feel like I’m pregnant at all!

“Pregnancy Brain” is without a doubt my strongest symptom right now. I could just skip this paragraph altogether but it really is too funny to not mention! While I have been known to do “air-headed” things even when I’m not pregnant, my “blondness” most definitely increases when I’m “with child”. Ryan’s favorite is when I have gone to fill up my car and pulled the car up to the wrong side of the gas pump. Now, this wouldn’t be so bad, except it took me three more tries before I finally got it right...and this has happened two separate times now! Another good one was when someone came up to me and started talking about a wedding we had both been to exactly two days before and I just stared at her blankly thinking “this is so embarrassing for her, she obviously thinks I’m someone else – I didn’t go to a wedding Saturday.” Yea, well after her continuing on for several more minutes and me staring blankly – it finally hit me, “oh yea!! I was at wedding Saturday and sat right behind her, too!” Talk about embarrassing! Another time, I was excitedly telling Ryan that we could find out what the sex of our baby was RIGHT NOW (this was at 12 weeks) because a girl I know just went and got a 4-D ultrasound done and found out and she isn’t due till the end of January!! Ryan said, “yea well, January is a month before February, Vanessa.” “I know, Ryan!! That’s what I mean she is due a whole month before us and she already knows!” Sadly, it took a few more seconds of this kind of conversation before it finally clicked that if she was due a month BEFORE me that would mean she was a month farther along than me! DUH!!!! These things should be so embarrassing – but the truth is, I think there are plenty of other women out there that have experienced the mind-shrinking that occurs during pregnancy. And then again…maybe it’s just me. Either way, even I can find humor at my own expense!  

I had my first actual prenatal appointment this past Friday. The Dr. we had with Cecilia left shortly after she was born – and we have found it very hard to replace him. But I really liked the Dr. we met on Friday and am hoping we end up being as pleased with him as we were with our old Dr. Everything was good at the appointment, measuring fine and heard a steady heartbeat of 145.

We are all very excited to find out whether Cecilia will have a little sister or a little brother. Cecilia seems convinced that it is a boy for some reason. She always calls it “the baby boy” and if I try to tell her it could be a girl – she emphatically states, “No, BOY!” Hopefully she isn’t disappointed if she’s wrong! Ryan and I don’t care at all what we have – we have loved having a little girl and would be very excited to have another one, but it would be fun to have one of each, too! Mostly, we are grateful to be blessed with another baby and are just praying for another healthy, sweet baby – no matter what "kind" we are given!

For the love of my babies…

1.       I want to be strong, but show them it’s okay to be sad or hurt or broken hearted and that it’s always okay to cry.

2.       I want to be encouraging and show them I see their beauty and worth, even when they can’t see it for themselves.

3.       I want to be joyous and give them a heart for celebrations and an eye for picking out tiny moments that are actually so huge.

4.       I want to have loving arms that are never too busy for a warm embrace or to pick them up when they have forgotten who they are and the love that surrounds them.

5.       I want them to teach me to see the world through their eyes and never forget my vision isn’t always the clearest.

6.       I want to love and respect their daddy and make sure they grow up seeing us have fun together and know that marriage is an amazing gift to be treasured.

7.       I want to give of myself when I’m too tired to give anymore – so that one day they will do that for their babies.

8.       I want show them how to have a heart for others and to never think they are better than someone else.

9.       I want to respect them while they are children…and when they become adults.

10.   I want to hold them so tight…but gracefully let them go when it's time.

February 27, 2012

Anticipation is building at our house…today marks the end of my first trimester! Cecilia is going to be a big sister! February 27^th is the expected date of arrival for our new baby!! We feel so blessed and thankful to get to experience this joy all over again. I don’t take the privilege of parenthood lightly and can think of nothing better than holding another sweet baby in my arms.

We are so excited and even Cecilia seems to understand what’s going on to a certain extent. She often pulls up my shirt and says, “I wanna see that baby!” or “that baby sleeping?” She kisses my belly and calls my belly button the baby’s nose. Watching her try to make sense of the baby in my belly has made the past few months even more fun for us.

So along with this announcement, I feel like I should offer an apology, as the amount of mushy, mom-braggy posts will most undoubtedly be doubled!

27 Months and Growing Strong!

Watching your child grow and seeing yourself in her has to be one of the most beautiful and terrifying things a person can experience. As Cecilia takes on toddlerhood full force, her individuality is getting bolder and her will, of course, is getting stronger. I relish in watching her person form and seeing her brain making those connections as to what works in this world that is still so new to her. Patterns and schedules that she’s always followed – are out the window, gone are the days of easily distracting her from things…this girl knows what she wants (don’t get me wrong - I think this is a blessing and I hope she grows continues to grow into as strong of a woman as the little, girl I see now). But she also wants so much to be like the people she loves. She mimics almost everything she sees and repeats everything as if she is just filing it away for later use.

Cecilia has turned into quite the little mommy. She takes care of her babies and stuffed animals all the time. She is constantly busy rocking, feeding, tucking them in, potty training them, dressing them and she is ALWAYS changing those diapers! I saw her put a diaper on a doll last night perfectly – I don’t think I could have done it any better. She tells everyone to be quiet when her babies are sleeping and when they cry (which is quite often) she bounces them and says “sh-sh-sh-sh” and pats them on the bottom.  The other night a bear of hers was being particularly naughty and kept being put in time out…she would tell it very sternly, “you sit there, time out” – and as soon as she would turn around that ornery bear would get up and she would turn around and, “No bear! Sit. You don’t get up!” and place him firmly on the seat. After a few times of this, she grew frustrated and as she walked away from him again she put her hands on her face and shook her head and sighed, “oh my dosh (gosh).” Whoops…I had no idea I had ever done that before- sometimes looking in a mirror is a little embarrassing! I will never get tired of watching her play mommy.   

Her dance class is interesting. She talks about her teacher, “Maggie”, all the time – but when she gets to class she doesn’t listen to Maggie very well. She usually participates in at least half of the class pretty well, but the other half she will just stare at the teacher or simply tell her, ”no, I not doing that”. She is much more interested in showing off her painted toenails or her tutu, etc. It completely cracks me up…because I can tell she is a million miles away from that class room half the time and when I see that daydreaming look…I know she is her mother’s daughter, for sure! She has really struggled to go into the class by herself – she wants me to come with her and on occasion will want to stop dancing and sit on my lap. I really haven’t pushed her or made a big deal of it, because I don’t want to stress her out. But, I told Ryan that I thought she might do better if I wasn’t there, if he just took her by himself. So, the next week I stayed home (which killed me) and sure enough…she only hesitated for a moment and then went right in and danced the whole class. Yes, I realize this is proof that I baby her and that she knows it…I really had no idea what a softy being a Mom would turn me into.

She loves her cousins and friends…LOTS! She is a very social creature and talks about the people she loves all the time. If we tell her she is going to play with someone tomorrow – she doesn’t forget it! A few weeks ago we had eaten dinner at the Kaneko’s house, on the way home she sobbed and sobbed, saying, “I want Tai (Kai), Ceci want Tai.” It melts my heart to see how much she loves people and it especially melts my heart that we have so many people in our lives who love her so much! It is a very humbling thing to see other people love your child. I hope Cecilia grows up knowing how blessed she is to have so much love.

Memories

It has been way too long since I’ve posted anything on here! We have had a very fun and full summer, but this recent heat wave has me ready for the next season! I am looking forward to fall decorations, warm drinks and baked goods, sweaters, wrapping up in blankets to enjoy a brisk, fall evening, picking out Cecilia’s Halloween costume and going to Jester’s corn maze and pumpkin patch!  I can’t even lie…Christmas list making is already in full swing! I feel like being a parent has made everything in life into an event again! In childhood, I remember life that way…anticipating seasons and holidays and birthdays to the point of sometimes losing sleep over the excitement. Cecilia has awakened that part of me again – wanting each memory to be so perfect for her and being overwhelmed with excitement for them to all play out. Even as I plan and prepare, I know she could probably care less – but I can’t help myself. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to create memories for Cecilia, and it really got me thinking - the truth is, the childhood memories I hold the most dear – were never the BIG events. They were the quiet, honest moments when I felt love the strongest – to this day, I can go back to those memories at any time and feel them all over again.

I remember when I was sick one time and everyone went to church except for me and Mom, she read “The Aristocat’s “ to me and held me all day long. She did nothing but sit with me, bring me soup, drinks, etc. When you’re the youngest of five children, the times you get your Mom all to yourself are very rare and all the more special. To this day, I always want my Mom when I’m sick – Ryan is a great nurse, but no one does it quite like your Mom.

I remember being cradled in my Dad’s lap in his chair, while he would reassure me of things I feared (there were a lot of things I feared back then). The sound of my Dad’s voice, the squeaking of that chair, and the smell of grease from his work shirt will always be pure comfort to me. Those memories can always make me breath out and feel like everything is going to be alright.

I remember swinging with my big sister, Bobbi, while I held my doll and she held her Care Bear (Melissa) and Bobbi sang to the Oakwood Boys on her walkman. I thought I was luckiest girl in the world that my big sister had her own apartment, but would still play dolls with me on the weekend.

I remember the time my sister, Heather, who was way to cool to play with me, had a random moment of interest in me, and took a break from her Algebra to play Dr. with me. Later in life, after she graduated college and was out of her “high school aged snobbery”, I have many wonderful memories with her – but as far as childhood – the Dr. incident always sticks out the most.

I remember the times when I would wake up from a nightmare in the middle of the night and my sister, Jessica, was always the first one to reach my bed and let me sleep with her for the rest of the night. That’s just one of the many memories I have of Jessica being my protector.

I remember the times when most big sisters would be embarrassed by their little sisters and want them to leave them alone – that my sister, Nicolet, would always want me to be there. She would always want me to hang out with her and her friends. Looking back, I think I was probably pretty annoying, but she always laughed at my jokes and never made me feel like her little sister – I was just her friend.

Thinking back to those memories that made the biggest impression on me – is a great reminder to me of how to create those memories for Cecilia. So tonight, I curled up in bed next to her and we snuggled so close I could hardly breathe. In the darkness, I whispered to her how very much I love her, and she whispered back, “Sweet dreams” and squeezed me so tight.

I know I’ll continue overdoing Holidays and other celebrations, just because it’s who I am and I love it…but I hope when she grows up she’ll have those perfect memories like I do and be able to tuck them in her pocket and always know that, as a parent, the thing her Mama did best - was love her endlessly.