Memories

It has been way too long since I’ve posted anything on here! We have had a very fun and full summer, but this recent heat wave has me ready for the next season! I am looking forward to fall decorations, warm drinks and baked goods, sweaters, wrapping up in blankets to enjoy a brisk, fall evening, picking out Cecilia’s Halloween costume and going to Jester’s corn maze and pumpkin patch!  I can’t even lie…Christmas list making is already in full swing! I feel like being a parent has made everything in life into an event again! In childhood, I remember life that way…anticipating seasons and holidays and birthdays to the point of sometimes losing sleep over the excitement. Cecilia has awakened that part of me again – wanting each memory to be so perfect for her and being overwhelmed with excitement for them to all play out. Even as I plan and prepare, I know she could probably care less – but I can’t help myself. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to create memories for Cecilia, and it really got me thinking - the truth is, the childhood memories I hold the most dear – were never the BIG events. They were the quiet, honest moments when I felt love the strongest – to this day, I can go back to those memories at any time and feel them all over again.

I remember when I was sick one time and everyone went to church except for me and Mom, she read “The Aristocat’s “ to me and held me all day long. She did nothing but sit with me, bring me soup, drinks, etc. When you’re the youngest of five children, the times you get your Mom all to yourself are very rare and all the more special. To this day, I always want my Mom when I’m sick – Ryan is a great nurse, but no one does it quite like your Mom.

I remember being cradled in my Dad’s lap in his chair, while he would reassure me of things I feared (there were a lot of things I feared back then). The sound of my Dad’s voice, the squeaking of that chair, and the smell of grease from his work shirt will always be pure comfort to me. Those memories can always make me breath out and feel like everything is going to be alright.

I remember swinging with my big sister, Bobbi, while I held my doll and she held her Care Bear (Melissa) and Bobbi sang to the Oakwood Boys on her walkman. I thought I was luckiest girl in the world that my big sister had her own apartment, but would still play dolls with me on the weekend.

I remember the time my sister, Heather, who was way to cool to play with me, had a random moment of interest in me, and took a break from her Algebra to play Dr. with me. Later in life, after she graduated college and was out of her “high school aged snobbery”, I have many wonderful memories with her – but as far as childhood – the Dr. incident always sticks out the most.

I remember the times when I would wake up from a nightmare in the middle of the night and my sister, Jessica, was always the first one to reach my bed and let me sleep with her for the rest of the night. That’s just one of the many memories I have of Jessica being my protector.

I remember the times when most big sisters would be embarrassed by their little sisters and want them to leave them alone – that my sister, Nicolet, would always want me to be there. She would always want me to hang out with her and her friends. Looking back, I think I was probably pretty annoying, but she always laughed at my jokes and never made me feel like her little sister – I was just her friend.

Thinking back to those memories that made the biggest impression on me – is a great reminder to me of how to create those memories for Cecilia. So tonight, I curled up in bed next to her and we snuggled so close I could hardly breathe. In the darkness, I whispered to her how very much I love her, and she whispered back, “Sweet dreams” and squeezed me so tight.

I know I’ll continue overdoing Holidays and other celebrations, just because it’s who I am and I love it…but I hope when she grows up she’ll have those perfect memories like I do and be able to tuck them in her pocket and always know that, as a parent, the thing her Mama did best - was love her endlessly.